I´m on my holiday, my dream holiday by the sea in Turkey.
But I´m sad.It didn´t help that we had an argue with my mother when I was leaving, she said to me like many times that I´m always in work, or sleeping, or on holiday, which I think isn´t true, my last holiday was on september. But my mother is in half-disability pension, and she has many health problems, so she is for many years closed at home and there are no many times when she can go to town or somewhere, and because of it she also doesn´t have many friends, and those who come sometimes have different problems than her, mainly work or love, and she has mostly health problems. And the second thing is, that she has to cook everyday two meals, for her and my brother, because they are on a diet, so she knows that every morning is cooking waiting for her and so much or mainly no fun for her. Because of that she needs my help, but I want to live my life too, so we are both unsatisfied, she is waiting everyday for me that I can take her somewhere or help her and that I will be home and I don´t feel freedom. I can´t do everyday what I want. I love freedom.But it is much more complicated with my mother, she has had a rough life and I know it and so when she tells me she isn´t happy and that she is so lonely I want to help her, much more she sometimes is afraid becomig crazy from everyday cooking and nothing else and her afraids of healt of my brother , me and herself, she has fobia from ilnesses.But don´t také it wrong, we mainly get on very well and I love her much and she loves us too. But sometimes never mind how much I try I´m told I don´t try at all and that I don´t help her. Nevermind what I can do, I can´t help her to live her life more luckily, that is something what she has to do herself. But she tries, I have to say, so many many times she fell down at the bottom and then got up again, but there are times she is deprivated and couldn´t help herself. And I know for sure, that I wouldn´t have stand so many bad things what has happened in her life and I really admire her that she is still going onAnd so I was thinking when I´m going home after the holiday, what I will do, no things to be looking forward to...Yes, there will be all summer before me, I love summer and the sun, I will probably visit some nice places and photograph a lot, I will meet my friends, but I will be working again, on free days cooking and helping at home and helping my mother and listening to her what is wrong, she will be waiting for me to take her for a lunch, shopping, or doing
something on PC for her, cleaning etc etc. But I know, it is better when somebody is waiting for you than nobody. I suppose I was tired of it all, I really needed the holiday, but it always hurts me when she says me, you know, I can´t go to holiday or to run from here, you can. So I have a feeling that I don´t deserve it when she can´t have it.
